In these 4 years, many a times I wanted to scribble two, three incidents but every time I change my mind, cause they don’t just deal with me. And it’s just not right. Even though no one will get to know as to who I’m talking about but nevertheless what if that very person reads it! And it’s not even that. What’s wrong will stay wrong unless I ask their permission. Seriously speaking, I don’t want to bother them, cause it was nothing nice.
I don’t think I have completely healed myself & I won’t get much by bitching either. There are certain mean & nasty things that I just can’t get out of my head & that makes forgiving the person a little difficult. I believe if I forgive my elder sister, I may feel better, but it just never happens. I still remember that on two occasions when I complained about her with my father (In fact I used to bitch a number of times :P), he asked me to maintain my distance, but I didn’t listen to him. In fact my khala said the same thing to me, & I didn’t pay any heed to that either. I thought my mom was my enemy, so whatever she said didn’t matter while I was a teenager. Three years ago when I resumed my friendship with my elder sister, it didn’t work out, cause she hasn’t changed a bit. But I have, so it was altogether a very different experience for her & she didn’t like it. Anyway, it’s not just me, there are 3 more people who have been used & discarded by her, & it’s goodness on their part that they never bitch. I’m not an angel, so I have written blog posts, but I do give them points, cause they don’t ever bitch in person. And I can’t narrate those incidents for obvious reason.
These are mere words & few past incidents that still haunt me. A person said few things in the past & they were horrible stuff, but it’s a thing of the past & it just doesn’t leave me in peace. And there’s no point to scribble each & every dialogue to prove my case. This is just catharsis for me, but I don’t get the desired result. I want to say so much more, but something comes in my way. Anyhow, there are people who just suffer in silence. This hasn’t been the kind of post I intended to write, but I have heard my writings have helped people, cause they don’t even say what I do whenever I’m in the mood.
We all come across characters. We all get hurt. But it’s saddening that we torment ourselves every day even more for being loyal to the wrong people after they are gone. That’s what I don’t like & that is exactly what I want to change.
