Some people satisfy their ego but self-respect could be more of a problem at times. See when your conscience pricks you, you’re forced to think & sometimes it’s just self-respect which forces you to take a decision you might not have taken otherwise. Unlike egos, there is no such thing as inflated self-respect & if there is, at least I don’t know. Your worth as a person & respect for yourself is entirely your headache. If you have self-doubt or a problem of self-esteem, it’s a different story. It’s okay if people don’t respect you, but if you fall in your eyes…that’s kind of unacceptable. My mind just cannot accept it. I have never been as stubborn as my parents, but when it comes to self-respect, I’m totally as stubborn as both of them. I cannot even raise the question: Main dheet kyun nahin hoon?
I knew someone who has this strange concept about self-respect. According to her, if people hold malicious, vile, & bad views about you…that will hurt your self-respect. That is some view & I couldn’t understand what it has to do with your self-respect. It’s the damn opinion of the person & he/she may not like you or can’t stand you or maybe he/she is just plain jealous of you. How can such views be taken seriously? Had this been so, the word self-respect might have deserted me years ago and I wouldn’t have any respect for myself. Some people are being so kind on me. They want me to change my opinion about myself but that’s not gonna happen in this lifetime. In fact I’m also related to 2 people who have done everything in these 3 decades of my life to tell me how bad & worthless I am. However, they haven’t convinced me, & I’m never pleased & amused to meet these 2 creatures. But so far as others are concerned, they fall under a different slot.
I say what you think about yourself is the most important thing. What others think is never that important…at least not to me. When you fall in your own eyes, that’s a shameful thing no doubt! Other than that, it doesn’t matter how people try to bring you down. They really can’t. Moreover, if they are working night & day on it. It only means you are much above them or they don’t have lives. Or if they can’t wake from a deep slumber, it ‘s their loss or pleasure. I’m sure their IQ level is low or something otherwise why would they waste time on another being they can’t stand or hate with so much zeal. Wasting time on someone you like is a different thing but you eventually get tired of that as well when you know you stand nowhere.
Anyhow, I give points to both my mom & dad for making me the way I am. All these years…even as a kid, there have always been someone or the other who wanted or wants me to feel bad about myself but they have all been such utter failures. You know I haven’t become a philosopher as yet. Which proves all the attempts have been futile. And just in case you’re still trying hard to tell me something, then I guess you are just wasting your time. It’s nice to know that even as a recluse I still manage to get the attention I received when I was social.
And I would really love to stay away from that fake, made-up life of social butterflies or buffaloes (people are so fat these days…calling them butterflies is insulting the tiny, cute, dainty creature. Right?). But it’s quite natural for me to talk to person of any class even today. I don’t like that either, but I have taken that thing from my dad. Unfortunately I can’t ever become 100 % anti-social. And just how some people hate me for some unknown reason, there are some who adore me just because I can talk to them nicely.
I often have arguments with my mom. She is the one who taught me that honesty is the best policy when I was just 5 year old & much later in life, she asked me not to write anything on inhuman laws & that I should stay away from these crazy, low, nasty issues. In fact, many a times she has asked me not to be so honest in real life. Yes, I’ve learnt that honesty makes a person vulnerable & you do get into trouble, but it’s still worth it. You get to know the real face of the person. Certain things make you. You just can’t get rid of them. It becomes a part of your nature & I don’t have any regret about it.
The only problem any thinking person can face is the fact that he/she keeps thinking (no matter how trivial you may regard that thing to be). And you may not know but momentary pleasure doesn’t mean much to thinking people. If momentary pleasure cannot mean much, why do stuck-up bitches & assholes think they hold a chance of being something supreme on the radar? The only thing that matters is whether you grow as a person or just stand there stagnant. Do you become a better person or do you deteriorate with time? These questions are far more pertinent & important than the idiotic opinions that are not strong enough to alter facts.
I’m a person who has lost everything at a very young age. And if destiny has been hard on me, I naturally take it as a compliment. Even I had no idea for a long time how fucking strong I am. I can take anything. Moreover, I have the right to amuse myself, haven’t I? Someday I’m going to thank all of you who have been extra nice to me in terms of telling me how I should think about myself even though it’s none of your business but today I will tell you what Jean-Paul Sartre said many years ago & since you don’t read good stuff, you may not know. Here it goes: “I have only one judge – myself - & I acquit myself.”
I have been equally fascinated by the personality of Oscar Wilde & he might have said this to you: “I will reduce your standard to absurdity, not by writing them down, though I could that so well – in fact, have done it – but by actually living them down & dying them down.”
And I repeat: I have the right to amuse myself. Haven’t I? :P
I knew someone who has this strange concept about self-respect. According to her, if people hold malicious, vile, & bad views about you…that will hurt your self-respect. That is some view & I couldn’t understand what it has to do with your self-respect. It’s the damn opinion of the person & he/she may not like you or can’t stand you or maybe he/she is just plain jealous of you. How can such views be taken seriously? Had this been so, the word self-respect might have deserted me years ago and I wouldn’t have any respect for myself. Some people are being so kind on me. They want me to change my opinion about myself but that’s not gonna happen in this lifetime. In fact I’m also related to 2 people who have done everything in these 3 decades of my life to tell me how bad & worthless I am. However, they haven’t convinced me, & I’m never pleased & amused to meet these 2 creatures. But so far as others are concerned, they fall under a different slot.
I say what you think about yourself is the most important thing. What others think is never that important…at least not to me. When you fall in your own eyes, that’s a shameful thing no doubt! Other than that, it doesn’t matter how people try to bring you down. They really can’t. Moreover, if they are working night & day on it. It only means you are much above them or they don’t have lives. Or if they can’t wake from a deep slumber, it ‘s their loss or pleasure. I’m sure their IQ level is low or something otherwise why would they waste time on another being they can’t stand or hate with so much zeal. Wasting time on someone you like is a different thing but you eventually get tired of that as well when you know you stand nowhere.
Anyhow, I give points to both my mom & dad for making me the way I am. All these years…even as a kid, there have always been someone or the other who wanted or wants me to feel bad about myself but they have all been such utter failures. You know I haven’t become a philosopher as yet. Which proves all the attempts have been futile. And just in case you’re still trying hard to tell me something, then I guess you are just wasting your time. It’s nice to know that even as a recluse I still manage to get the attention I received when I was social.
And I would really love to stay away from that fake, made-up life of social butterflies or buffaloes (people are so fat these days…calling them butterflies is insulting the tiny, cute, dainty creature. Right?). But it’s quite natural for me to talk to person of any class even today. I don’t like that either, but I have taken that thing from my dad. Unfortunately I can’t ever become 100 % anti-social. And just how some people hate me for some unknown reason, there are some who adore me just because I can talk to them nicely.
I often have arguments with my mom. She is the one who taught me that honesty is the best policy when I was just 5 year old & much later in life, she asked me not to write anything on inhuman laws & that I should stay away from these crazy, low, nasty issues. In fact, many a times she has asked me not to be so honest in real life. Yes, I’ve learnt that honesty makes a person vulnerable & you do get into trouble, but it’s still worth it. You get to know the real face of the person. Certain things make you. You just can’t get rid of them. It becomes a part of your nature & I don’t have any regret about it.
The only problem any thinking person can face is the fact that he/she keeps thinking (no matter how trivial you may regard that thing to be). And you may not know but momentary pleasure doesn’t mean much to thinking people. If momentary pleasure cannot mean much, why do stuck-up bitches & assholes think they hold a chance of being something supreme on the radar? The only thing that matters is whether you grow as a person or just stand there stagnant. Do you become a better person or do you deteriorate with time? These questions are far more pertinent & important than the idiotic opinions that are not strong enough to alter facts.
I’m a person who has lost everything at a very young age. And if destiny has been hard on me, I naturally take it as a compliment. Even I had no idea for a long time how fucking strong I am. I can take anything. Moreover, I have the right to amuse myself, haven’t I? Someday I’m going to thank all of you who have been extra nice to me in terms of telling me how I should think about myself even though it’s none of your business but today I will tell you what Jean-Paul Sartre said many years ago & since you don’t read good stuff, you may not know. Here it goes: “I have only one judge – myself - & I acquit myself.”
I have been equally fascinated by the personality of Oscar Wilde & he might have said this to you: “I will reduce your standard to absurdity, not by writing them down, though I could that so well – in fact, have done it – but by actually living them down & dying them down.”
And I repeat: I have the right to amuse myself. Haven’t I? :P
