‘Moralists try to persuade us that the sexual instinct hasn’t got so very much to do with love. They’re apt to speak of it as if it were an epiphenomenon’ ‘What’s in God’s name is that?’
‘Well, there are psychologists who think that consciousness accompanies brain processes & is determined by them, but it doesn’t itself exert any influence on them. Something like the reflection of a tree in water; it couldn’t exist without the tree, but it doesn’t in any way affect the tree. I think it’s all stuff & nonsense to say that there can be love without passion; when people say love can endure after passion is dead they’re talking of something else, affection, kindliness, community of taste, interest, & habit. Especially habit. Two people can go on having sexual intercourse from habit in just the same way as they grow hungry at the hour they’re accustomed to have their meals. Of course there can be desire without love. Desire isn’t passion. Desire is the natural consequence of the sexual instinct & it isn’t of any more importance than any other function of the human animal. That’s why women are foolish to make a song & dance if their husbands have an occasional flutter when the time & place are propitious?’
‘Does that apply only to men?
I smiled.
‘If you insist I’ll admit that what is sause for the gander is sause for the goose. The only thing to be said against it is that with a man a passing connexion of the sort has no emotional significance, while with a woman it has.’
‘It depends on the woman.’
I wasn’t going to let myself be interrupted.
‘Unless love is passion, it’s not love, but something else; and passion thrives not on satisfaction, but on impediment.’
Somerset Maugham
The Razor’s Edge
The Razor’s Edge is a must read. I agree passion doesn’t count the cost. But I don’t think any wife will think how insignificant desire is when her husband sleeps with another woman. One night stand may not mean anything to a man, but I think his wife will have headaches & I don’t think they are foolish. This is their nature. How can you convince yourself that desire isn’t passion or anything important & that your husband has the right to sleep once in a while when he feels like it? You have to have a very big heart to allow that kind of thing. It’s another thing to understand this kind of argument, but I don’t think you can apply it in real life.
This particular line: ‘The only thing to be said against it is that with a man a passing connexion of the sort has no emotional significance, while with a woman it has.’ I just couldn’t help thinking about Mimi & JFK :P
Love is something that one can understand at a very young age but passion is not that easy to understand. Passion comes much later. I think it drives you mad. It takes you to places you’ve never imagined. It’s kind of painful. I’m not saying that love is easy or not at all painful but I think passion is far more complicated. Love or even a lousy crush can make you happy but passion is different. It evokes very strange feelings. It gives headaches.
Anyhow, I read this case yesterday about a woman who hasn’t slept with anyone in the past nine years. She had a pretty bad experience. Once she tried to get physical with someone & he called her frigid. Which is why now she prefers to be alone. In the very same write-up, they said that people talk about having sex very openly but they don’t ever talk about those who don’t indulge in the act for whatever reason. Anyhow, the million dollar tip was that a woman ought to be honest about this problem.
I was thinking that some people could also have this problem: what if nobody wants ever wants to have sex with you? I think it’s a very pertinent question. Fine. A point comes when you’re left with no passion & you continue with that relationship, but at least there was some spark in the beginning. Some people never get to know anything about love or passion.
Anyhow, I think Somerset has explained things very well. I do agree with him on almost all the points. I want to say a lot more on it, but I'll talk about it some other time.
‘Well, there are psychologists who think that consciousness accompanies brain processes & is determined by them, but it doesn’t itself exert any influence on them. Something like the reflection of a tree in water; it couldn’t exist without the tree, but it doesn’t in any way affect the tree. I think it’s all stuff & nonsense to say that there can be love without passion; when people say love can endure after passion is dead they’re talking of something else, affection, kindliness, community of taste, interest, & habit. Especially habit. Two people can go on having sexual intercourse from habit in just the same way as they grow hungry at the hour they’re accustomed to have their meals. Of course there can be desire without love. Desire isn’t passion. Desire is the natural consequence of the sexual instinct & it isn’t of any more importance than any other function of the human animal. That’s why women are foolish to make a song & dance if their husbands have an occasional flutter when the time & place are propitious?’
‘Does that apply only to men?
I smiled.
‘If you insist I’ll admit that what is sause for the gander is sause for the goose. The only thing to be said against it is that with a man a passing connexion of the sort has no emotional significance, while with a woman it has.’
‘It depends on the woman.’
I wasn’t going to let myself be interrupted.
‘Unless love is passion, it’s not love, but something else; and passion thrives not on satisfaction, but on impediment.’
Somerset Maugham
The Razor’s Edge
The Razor’s Edge is a must read. I agree passion doesn’t count the cost. But I don’t think any wife will think how insignificant desire is when her husband sleeps with another woman. One night stand may not mean anything to a man, but I think his wife will have headaches & I don’t think they are foolish. This is their nature. How can you convince yourself that desire isn’t passion or anything important & that your husband has the right to sleep once in a while when he feels like it? You have to have a very big heart to allow that kind of thing. It’s another thing to understand this kind of argument, but I don’t think you can apply it in real life.
This particular line: ‘The only thing to be said against it is that with a man a passing connexion of the sort has no emotional significance, while with a woman it has.’ I just couldn’t help thinking about Mimi & JFK :P
Love is something that one can understand at a very young age but passion is not that easy to understand. Passion comes much later. I think it drives you mad. It takes you to places you’ve never imagined. It’s kind of painful. I’m not saying that love is easy or not at all painful but I think passion is far more complicated. Love or even a lousy crush can make you happy but passion is different. It evokes very strange feelings. It gives headaches.
Anyhow, I read this case yesterday about a woman who hasn’t slept with anyone in the past nine years. She had a pretty bad experience. Once she tried to get physical with someone & he called her frigid. Which is why now she prefers to be alone. In the very same write-up, they said that people talk about having sex very openly but they don’t ever talk about those who don’t indulge in the act for whatever reason. Anyhow, the million dollar tip was that a woman ought to be honest about this problem.
I was thinking that some people could also have this problem: what if nobody wants ever wants to have sex with you? I think it’s a very pertinent question. Fine. A point comes when you’re left with no passion & you continue with that relationship, but at least there was some spark in the beginning. Some people never get to know anything about love or passion.
Anyhow, I think Somerset has explained things very well. I do agree with him on almost all the points. I want to say a lot more on it, but I'll talk about it some other time.
