When Z & I started blogging almost 4 years ago, we had no idea that we might be dealing with some very sensitive topics & some hopelessly insensitive people. It’s true that we don’t always post on serious issues. We try to talk about anything & everything.
Anyway, yesterday as I was going through my notebook, I came across a particular passage & I couldn’t help thinking about how some people reacted when I posted on incest & rape. Some rape victims came forward & that write-up did help to some extent…at least women were openly talking & idiots didn’t bother us. But so far as incest is concerned, I only remember Mr. Farhan from the blognetwork who went off his head as he strongly believed that I invented the entire concept of incest. Moreover he also thought I was kafir as I used the word ‘fuck’ quite often in my write-ups. Imagination is indeed an odd thing :P
However this is what I read in my notebook yesterday:
“The thing that most people didn’t understand…was that a rape victim & a victim of a fatal accident were both gone, forever. The difference was that the rape victim still had to go through the motions of being alive.”
Jodi Picoult
I must have said this thing a zillion times on my blog that one doesn’t need to experience each & every calamity to know how bad it is. We all suffer in different ways. We all could understand the sufferings of others, if we want to. We do have a choice but most people choose to judge the victims. As I recall Mr. Farhan was telling me that only women who go on dates get raped & they are bad women. And I have heard similar views from guys that a woman who gets raped either asks for it or she has a loose character. In fact I have also seen women having very rigid, strange views & they believe if a girl has been sexually abused, she should hide it & most probably, she's responsible for it. And interestingly, the very same women have been seen spreading rumors against such victims.
A moment could change anyone’s life. The question isn’t about fair & unfair anymore. You maybe a living corpse after that dreadful incident but I do believe people could help a great deal. In most cases, however, people make it totally impossible for the victim to go on. People like Mr. Farhan even create hurdles for those who speak on such matters.
A friend of Mr. Farhan also left a comment on the blog saying that I might be the victim & I should read the Holy Quran. But it so happened when that guy tried to argue with me, it dawned on him that I happened to know more about the verses of the Holy Quran than he did as he never went through the translation. He was sensible enough to back off.
I happen to know people who have been sexually abused in childhood. And on the net, I have even met people who had been raped. Had I been a rape victim myself, I would have been open about it. I know what is sexual harassment (which is of course nothing as compared to what other victims go through) but to some extent I could understand the torment of rape victims & those who have been assaulted & molested in their childhood. I faced it twice; once I was 12 & the 2nd time I was 25. Well many a times, it seems my head will just explode & yes I do feel very sick, when guys hit on me. I just can't stand crude jokes & I tend to react immediately. This has been my problem ever since. And I know girls who react even more badly & I guess it’s natural. Fear & anger make you react in that way. I too have been judged. Maybe it’s easier for others to make out, it’s not so with me. If that makes me uncool, I’m content with it. But if this could drive me nuts even after all these years, then I’m sure those who have been abused, molested & raped must be living in hell.
One of my net friends was raped when she was just 18. I wrote about her on the blog. To this day, she hasn’t recovered &I’m afraid she will stay this way. She has become bitter. She is angry 24/7. I guess cursing & hating every man on this planet as one man is responsible for your ruin will also not make your life any better. As I said, she will not recover. However, someone made an attempt on another net pal when she was also a teenager but she’s a very strong individual today. She’s really passionate about helping out others & that has helped her. Nevertheless, it’s not that easy for everyone. We live in a society where people make noise. They spread all sorts of stories & that can easily make a victim plunge into depression. I don’t expect much of men but what I find equally disgusting is the fact that other women can be so very insensitive, particularly the ones who make sure everyone in town gets to know that someone was abused at some point.
The adults I know who have been through sexual abuse in their childhood, all react in different ways. Some are way too strong & some just manage to cope but all of them are doing fine. Moreover, they say wounds heal but it’s all bullshit. I haven’t seen that in any victim I personally know. Sometimes I feel they are still hurt but as I said they are all much stronger.
All along our childhood, we heard things like honesty is the best policy & that honestly is the 1st chapter in the book of wisdom but you realize much later that it’s not. Some of the guys even deserted these victims once they had been honest about it. I think a real man will not need reasons to respect you. It’s never the fault of the victim. It’s obscene & ugly when people lay the blame on the victims for being assaulted. We even highlighted this point in our book ‘If mortals had been immortals & other short stories.’
To be honest, I really do not know if writing about it helps anyone. You have to fight the demons that bother you all by yourself. No one can help you. Moral support is a different thing. I’m sure it’s good to know that some people care but that doesn’t solve the problem. Speaking of which reminds me of those who don’t even acknowledge they have a problem. And I do have a million dollar question for all of them: if the worst sin is betraying others, then what about people who lie to themselves? But who knows maybe that’s also one unique way of facing a problem.
Anyhow, many women have created blogs where they talk about such issues. But I guess in order to overcome your fear, sorrow, anger, pain…you need to be honest about what you had experienced. Lying to yourself cannot help in any way. I don’t think 99 % would create myths about being molested & abused. Yeah I’m not sure about the 1 %, cause we have all sorts of women. Some even enjoy besmearing the reputation of another female. They’ve got to be totally sick in the head. I can’t even think of doing this to my enemies. It’s so low.
Last but not least, everyone is fighting a battle; it’s just that some battles are very long & tough, & some never end.
Anyway, yesterday as I was going through my notebook, I came across a particular passage & I couldn’t help thinking about how some people reacted when I posted on incest & rape. Some rape victims came forward & that write-up did help to some extent…at least women were openly talking & idiots didn’t bother us. But so far as incest is concerned, I only remember Mr. Farhan from the blognetwork who went off his head as he strongly believed that I invented the entire concept of incest. Moreover he also thought I was kafir as I used the word ‘fuck’ quite often in my write-ups. Imagination is indeed an odd thing :P
However this is what I read in my notebook yesterday:
“The thing that most people didn’t understand…was that a rape victim & a victim of a fatal accident were both gone, forever. The difference was that the rape victim still had to go through the motions of being alive.”
Jodi Picoult
I must have said this thing a zillion times on my blog that one doesn’t need to experience each & every calamity to know how bad it is. We all suffer in different ways. We all could understand the sufferings of others, if we want to. We do have a choice but most people choose to judge the victims. As I recall Mr. Farhan was telling me that only women who go on dates get raped & they are bad women. And I have heard similar views from guys that a woman who gets raped either asks for it or she has a loose character. In fact I have also seen women having very rigid, strange views & they believe if a girl has been sexually abused, she should hide it & most probably, she's responsible for it. And interestingly, the very same women have been seen spreading rumors against such victims.
A moment could change anyone’s life. The question isn’t about fair & unfair anymore. You maybe a living corpse after that dreadful incident but I do believe people could help a great deal. In most cases, however, people make it totally impossible for the victim to go on. People like Mr. Farhan even create hurdles for those who speak on such matters.
A friend of Mr. Farhan also left a comment on the blog saying that I might be the victim & I should read the Holy Quran. But it so happened when that guy tried to argue with me, it dawned on him that I happened to know more about the verses of the Holy Quran than he did as he never went through the translation. He was sensible enough to back off.
I happen to know people who have been sexually abused in childhood. And on the net, I have even met people who had been raped. Had I been a rape victim myself, I would have been open about it. I know what is sexual harassment (which is of course nothing as compared to what other victims go through) but to some extent I could understand the torment of rape victims & those who have been assaulted & molested in their childhood. I faced it twice; once I was 12 & the 2nd time I was 25. Well many a times, it seems my head will just explode & yes I do feel very sick, when guys hit on me. I just can't stand crude jokes & I tend to react immediately. This has been my problem ever since. And I know girls who react even more badly & I guess it’s natural. Fear & anger make you react in that way. I too have been judged. Maybe it’s easier for others to make out, it’s not so with me. If that makes me uncool, I’m content with it. But if this could drive me nuts even after all these years, then I’m sure those who have been abused, molested & raped must be living in hell.
One of my net friends was raped when she was just 18. I wrote about her on the blog. To this day, she hasn’t recovered &I’m afraid she will stay this way. She has become bitter. She is angry 24/7. I guess cursing & hating every man on this planet as one man is responsible for your ruin will also not make your life any better. As I said, she will not recover. However, someone made an attempt on another net pal when she was also a teenager but she’s a very strong individual today. She’s really passionate about helping out others & that has helped her. Nevertheless, it’s not that easy for everyone. We live in a society where people make noise. They spread all sorts of stories & that can easily make a victim plunge into depression. I don’t expect much of men but what I find equally disgusting is the fact that other women can be so very insensitive, particularly the ones who make sure everyone in town gets to know that someone was abused at some point.
The adults I know who have been through sexual abuse in their childhood, all react in different ways. Some are way too strong & some just manage to cope but all of them are doing fine. Moreover, they say wounds heal but it’s all bullshit. I haven’t seen that in any victim I personally know. Sometimes I feel they are still hurt but as I said they are all much stronger.
All along our childhood, we heard things like honesty is the best policy & that honestly is the 1st chapter in the book of wisdom but you realize much later that it’s not. Some of the guys even deserted these victims once they had been honest about it. I think a real man will not need reasons to respect you. It’s never the fault of the victim. It’s obscene & ugly when people lay the blame on the victims for being assaulted. We even highlighted this point in our book ‘If mortals had been immortals & other short stories.’
To be honest, I really do not know if writing about it helps anyone. You have to fight the demons that bother you all by yourself. No one can help you. Moral support is a different thing. I’m sure it’s good to know that some people care but that doesn’t solve the problem. Speaking of which reminds me of those who don’t even acknowledge they have a problem. And I do have a million dollar question for all of them: if the worst sin is betraying others, then what about people who lie to themselves? But who knows maybe that’s also one unique way of facing a problem.
Anyhow, many women have created blogs where they talk about such issues. But I guess in order to overcome your fear, sorrow, anger, pain…you need to be honest about what you had experienced. Lying to yourself cannot help in any way. I don’t think 99 % would create myths about being molested & abused. Yeah I’m not sure about the 1 %, cause we have all sorts of women. Some even enjoy besmearing the reputation of another female. They’ve got to be totally sick in the head. I can’t even think of doing this to my enemies. It’s so low.
Last but not least, everyone is fighting a battle; it’s just that some battles are very long & tough, & some never end.
